Tarmis, in a slow, rambling monologue that covers everything from space pancakes to space paperweights, manages to remind reporters that it was the 1990's Cassini launches, plagued by wiring problems, fuel leaks and duct tape revelations, that led researchers and scientists to discover that 38% of aerospace employees share an unusual set of genes in common with Homer Simpson, long held up as the model of an accident-prone nuclear worker.  The discovery of this gene profile finally allowed statisticians to factor in hard numbers for "human stupidity," (the Doofus Principle) which in turn produced more accurate safety predictions. 

Johnny Ta-Ta-Ta, as he is called by his crew mates, says proudly, "Now, when we say... only one Titan in 24 is going to go... bango... or kaboom... or BLAM! - you can put your money on... it!"

Back To The Future Maybe: 

Millions of pieces of debris in orbit around Earth - 
rocket motors, personal articles, tools, pots, pans and bowls, plastic bags of deep-frozen astrourine, Tony Little exercise tapes - any suggestions? 

BAGSA is "developing space." Its marketing/advertising arm has placed  large billboards and displays in orbit around Earth - 
Giant Air Jordan shoe, ads for vegiburgers, methane/compost powered cars, Psychic network, etc. Recent scientific missions to Mars undertaken as a joint venture with Domino's Pizza.

Proprietary magnetic field generators (?) supplying  battery power to run blinking lights on animated signs, and parts of microwave toasters left in orbit, caused debris to coalesce into a series of undulating rings (over Equator?) (over Patterson, New Jersey?). 

Radar devices track collectibles as small as paper clips.  Web site devoted to space paper clips (lost and found) gets 300,000 hits in one day after being featured in DebrisGeltBelt  magazine. 

Laser space targets (orbited by Swat Corp.?) - 
Game farm/hunting opportunities for rich to laser blast old satellites out of the sky causes splitting into ever smaller and smaller pieces (making Cassini research difficult).  Also, huge, hollow robot/virtual animals launched as game. Laser canons mounted on Twin Towers, other tall buildings. 

MIR satellite - 
Yuri Gollopov, setting vacuum pressure too high on the SH14 (Cosmoprivy), is sucked out into eternity you-know-what first.  His partner, Androi Vladdropo, despite psychological testing to screen out hidden neurosis, is thereafter so phobic about relieving himself that he suffers an impacted colon, leading to complications of an expiration nature.  The rest is history.  Cosmonautless, MIR drifts until struck head-on by (what may have been) a vial of gypsy moth larvae going the wrong way at 30,000 miles per hour.  The station's oxygen tanks ignite and the rest is more history.  Prices for Mirabilia soar.