Dudlow pointed out the "irrefutable merits" of Ffitz Design's PositivePuss portrait service. "Guaranteed to make the filthy rich and powerful corporate execs look even better," says Dudlow. He points to their painting of Milton Diveerce who is, "CEO of Guns To Go. It's a worldwide chain of mom and pop franchise outlets, dedicated to making sidearms and light munitions available to everyone in need."

Diveerce, it seems, had recently gotten some bad press when he bought out the Eatsweet Food subsidiary, Bingo Anti-Personel and Pro-Shrapnel Landmines Company. After laying off its workers, the forward-looking financier moved Bingo to a country where wages were lower. Bingo, some say, now manufactures a much shoddier product. Chafing at the criticism, Diveerce asked, "How perfect does shrapnel have to be, goddimit?"

Dudlow goes on to explain that Diveerce's normally sober-to-severe visage was considerably softened by Ffitz's use of the cutting-edge portrait technology Smile Regulator. "It may be of interest to note," says Wellsley Dudlow authoritatively, "that Mona Malthaus, who invented the Smile Regulator, at first believed her invention might be resisted by her prestigious portrait clients. She was surprised to learn, however, that the richer and more powerful the sitter, the more he seemed to appreciate the usefulness of the take-charge device. "In fact," continues Dudlow, "I think the very positive physiognomical transformation is clearly evident, not only by Mr. Diveerce's essentially pleasant expression, but by the decision of the image-conscious CEO to have the portrait rendered showing the apparatus in use, and not have it "painted out" as most ordinary moguls would."