The
following pufbio to the AdnobNewswire is by staff writer Guido Gavott.
Hard as it now may be to understand, such happily unpredictable
byproducts of food irradiation were
once viewed with alarm by squeemish nay-sayers.
Focusing obsessively on the fact that irradiation divested food of its
questionable
nutritional value and harping on the prospect of increased rates of cancer
(and other less pleasant diseases) that irradiation might allegedly cause,
the neanderthalish critics blinded
themselves to the potential that was always inherent in what we now commonly
accept as the "responsible, playful use of radiation
in select lifestyle situations."
In point of fact, fun radiation may never have evolved to its present state were it not that, due to colorful, creative packaging, and WisdomAds in the media, it took a toehold and slowly mutated (as it were) into near universal acceptance. Credit must be given to Vodo Holewood, who, as an early, obscure radiation dabbler/innovator and rennaisance man, created the ad campaign which emphasized that the "...glowinglygood foodlike chewables can be kept on the shelves much longer..." and that the sickly people (pioneers, really) who ate the stuff could stock up, and thereby, would have to make fewer painful trips hobbling back and forth to the supermarkets.
It was courageous men, such as Holewood, who hung tough when the cancerish growths,now known as secondary, or disposable organs, first began to be noticed among radfood consumers. The thunderous and annoying bleeting of the nay-sayers was finally silenced when it was realized that radfeeders were a godsend to the folks who needed transplants. Irradiated broccoli, which was causing thick patches of curly hair to grow on the backs of nubile young females, put to rest the fears of thousands of balding middle-aged men who found in this (potentially distressing happenstance) a fertile source for much-needed hair transplants.
Also, not enough can be said of irradiated foods which encourage the sprouting of unusual secondary sexual organs which can then be carefully chopped off and attached where needed. The anxiety it relieves in people who are dissatisfied with their native organs is incalcuable. Again, initially this aspect became a target of ridicule, with accusations that the people who wanted larger or nicer organs werefrivolous. However, that smearwas faced head-on by publisher Hugh Boffner, then pushing 80 and thought to be on his last leg. Boffner, you will recall, had a penis transplanted onto his cranium, "To make a statement to the prudes and also to continue to be the fulfillment of the male fantasy. I did it for the guys as well as the gals." This revolutionary and brave act turned the tide of public opinion. It was then that radfeeders were first described as (go)nadbreeders and a genuine growth industry was born.
