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Factory Workers to be Enlightened

Dateline Hedat, north of Baldimarg

.....Poochtrain, Inc., manufacturers of animal training, control and discouragement devices, announced today a new program to increase brain wave activity in assembly line workers, thereby providing for them a heightened assembly line experience as well as increasing productivity.

.....At a news conference, Poochtrain Vice President Mel Bradrobo was being allowed to talk in public for the first time since a hardware malfunction caused a misspeaking incident 5 weeks ago on national television while he was clarifying Poochtrains "No Crapola" guarantee policy. Regarding the Enlightenment program, Bradrobo said it has already been tested on the company's middle management and ordinary workers sectors with, relatively speaking, few disasters.

....."Aside from some employees who, " said Bradrobo, "statistically speaking, probably would have had nervous breakdowns and been forced to retire early on a reduced pension anyway, our rate of success is most encouraging."